it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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