i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
