shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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