We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
