I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
