Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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