and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
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Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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