I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
