oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
