i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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