I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
