I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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