This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
