i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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