i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
