I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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