I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
