Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
