Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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