there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
