woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
