He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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