Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
