He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
