Your mouth is God's brothel.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
