You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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