I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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