well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
