Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
