Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
