So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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