So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize