I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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