I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
