the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What a dumb baby whore.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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