There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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