I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
