You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
