Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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