He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
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This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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