I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
