ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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