Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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