I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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