I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
