Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
