we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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