she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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