I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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