my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You're a waste of cheezeits
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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