Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
