Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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