i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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