69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
