the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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