I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
