Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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