Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
