you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
