I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
