32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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