i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just pee around me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
