Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
