well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You pole danced in your parka.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
