well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
