So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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