Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
