so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
