We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
foreskin is a definite game changer
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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