Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize