$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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