Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
