sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So vagazzling was a success
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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