their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Randomize
