Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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