I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Randomize
