I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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