dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
