i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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