i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
